Raising The Bar
by Ysidro
Summary: Family/Friendship/Romance that is all AU. After getting hit in the head by Granger, Snape goes to Kwikspell Academy to get his powers back. Unfortunately the students and staff are not what Snape expected. Updated finally XD.
1. Catching a Break?

Raising The Bar

By Ysidro

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or its characters.

A/N: I figured the Kwikspell Academy had to be located somewhere, with people running it. Thus, this is a story about the Academy, and how one greasy git of a Potions Master had to use its facilities. Also, I know Snape's head damage wasn't as serious as I made it out to be, but who knows? Anything's possible I suppose.

Also, in later chapters, I may introduce a love interest for Snape. If this does not sound appealing, then let me know.

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_This cannot be right,_ was Snape's first thought when he reached his destination. Looking at the Muggle map in his hands and then back at the neon sigh in front of him, he sneered. It was 345 Huntington Street that was for sure. _There is no way in Hell this is the right place._

After being hit in the head by a certain Miss Granger in the Shrieking Shack a two weeks before, Severus had spent a week if the Hospital Wing. However, having Madame Pomfrey fret over him like some sort of injured puppy, he had finally drawn the line and checked himself out of the ward. Apparently, the damage done by Granger had been more severe than he had thought.

Severus' magical abilities had all but left him. It seemed he had used the last bit of magic he possessed to take Granger, Potter and Black back to the castle. It was a waste of time and magic. He was as much use to Dumbledore now as a stupid Muggle. Even the simplest of spells had escaped his grasp, and his wand was as much use as a toothpick. It was like being a bloody Squib, except he had felt magic coursing through his veins only a few days before.

While discussing the atrocities of idiotic students with Argus Filch, Severus had eyed a suspicious-looking flyer on the man's desk. It was for a school for the Magically Deprived, Kwikspell Academy. The pamphlet was crumpled up in what looked like frustration. Since Argus had never cast a spell in his life, Snape assumed the endeavor was a failure.

But now Severus was desperate. He could not continue spying for the Order of the Phoenix if he could not cast a single spell. He would also be a very inefficient Death Eater if he had to kill other wizards without the use of a wand. Snape figured that Kwikspell was worth a shot; after all he had possessed magical powers two weeks ago. Now, looking at the Academy in the sunlight of downtown London, Severus was beginning to see why Kwikspell hadn't worked for Argus.

345 Huntington Street was a bar.

Severus sighed heavily as he pushed open the glass doors of the bar. The blue neon sign outside had read _Toby's_ in large letters. Snape sneered in disgust as the neon lights flashed brightly for a moment, and then faded back to their normal dull glow. The place couldn't even afford decent lighting it seemed; perhaps con artistry did not pay as well as it used to.

A bell off to Snape's right sounded as he entered the bar. He scowled as he entered the building, not used to the Muggle clothing he had donned prior to going on his little excursion. Dressed in a white shirt, black pants, black shoes, and a silver and green striped tie, his attire resembled that of his old Hogwarts uniform. He had even tied his hair back, a few stray strands framing his face. He had dressed up for the occasion, hoping that someone of stature would be addressing him. He was ultimately disappointed.

"We aren't open yet," yelled a raspy voice from a room behind the bar. "Can't you read?"

Severus' eyes narrowed as he peered through the glass of the window. Sure enough, the operating hours were posted on the window, and he could vaguely make out the numbers. The tavern was obviously closed; it wouldn't be open until that evening.

"How'd you get in here anyway?" the voice asked as an older man walked into the room. "Did you break in or something?"

"Hardly," Severus sneered, striding over to the bar. "You're door was unlocked. Perhaps you should consider upgrading your security system."

Severus surveyed the older man behind the counter, the rows of empty glasses separating the two. He was average height, with grey hair, a moustache, and beard. In jeans and a rather rumpled light yellow buttoned shirt, he looked like a bartender preparing for the night ahead. This place was about as magical as a damned pencil.

It was the man's legs that drew the most attention to Severus though. The bartender walked with a cane, and his gait was surprisingly stiff. It took Severus a minute to fathom that the man had lost both legs at the knee.

"I see even my secrets need a little better security," the stranger said, smiling as he looked down at his legs. "Don't worry; they became martyrs serving my country a long time ago. Now they're just a pair of forgotten soldiers, mulling about the old days."

"I apologize for the inconvenience," Snape said, slightly embarrassed at his ignorance. "I was looking for a certain address and it seems as though I got lost."

"Let me see that," the man said, grabbing the map out of Snape's hand and peering at it. "I know this city like the back of my hand; I can at least give you directions."

"I was looking for 345 Huntington Street," Snape explained, pointing to its general location. He failed to point directly at the bar. "It's supposed to be some sort of school, but it looks as though the brochure misprinted the address."

"You going into a continuing education course or something?" the bartender asked, raising an eyebrow with interest.

"You could say that," Severus replied as the man studied the map. "I will assume you are the 'Toby' your sign mentions?"

"At your service," Toby saluted him mockingly. The man's sense of humor despite what he had gone through was surprising good. "And you are?"

"Alexander," Snape managed to say, the name leaving a bad taste in his mouth. It was his first name, his "Muggle" name, and he despised it with every fiber of his being. Besides, his initials left much to be desired.

"Well, the nearest school is a couple blocks away," Toby indicated on the map, circling a location with a ball-point pen on the counter. "But if you're looking for the education I think you are, then you're in the right place."

Severus raised a dark eyebrow in disbelief, looking around once again at the deserted bar. The tables were empty, with rod-iron stools on top. The floor was polished hard-wood, and the booths were upholstered in a red fabric. It looked like your run-of-the-mill bar. Then again, so did the Leaky Cauldron.

"Welcome to Toby's," the bartender winked as he gestured towards the room behind the bar, "the home of Kwikspell Academy for the Magically Deprived."


	2. Barred In

Disclaimer: I don't own any Harry Potter characters, but I do own Anita. Don't own the Karate Kid either, only the DVD.

A/N: In this story, I have given Snape a different name since it is more common-place. Also the 'Muddle' term came from the book "Barry Trotter and the Unauthorized Parody." Apparently "waxer is not a word, but I believe you can probably guess what it does.

Back to Toby's

"THIS is a school?" Alexander sneered, skepticism heavy on his breath. "I don't consider this to be a very stimulating learning environment."

"And how would you know that?" Toby asked, drying an empty glass.

"I attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Then what the hell are you doing here?" Toby asked, intrigued. "Hogwarts is supposed to be the best school for wizards out there. Surely a powerful wizard like you wouldn't want to be caught dead in a place like this."

"My…powers…have failed me as of late," Alexander managed to admit. If this man was to help him, he would have to be honest. "I am seeking a way of getting them back."

"What'd you do?" Toby responded, placing the glass on the counter and starting on another. "You break your wand or something?"

"It is more…complicated than that I'm afraid. I sustained a head injury two weeks ago, and have been unable to use magic ever since."

"Well, you came to the right place," Toby said as he finished with another glass. "And your reputation as a wizard's safe with us. We don't really associate with the magical community unless we absolutely have to. They're too stuck-up for us, no offence."

"None taken," was Alexander's immediate response. He seemed to have gotten on Toby's good side, and did not wish to destroy his chances at regaining his magic. "I suppose we are rather secretive."

"Not as much as us," Toby smiled. He pointed to an old wooden sign above the bottles of alcohol. "The Bar wouldn't let it happen."

"The Bar?" Alexander said, raising an eyebrow once again. "What does the bar have to do with anything?"

"Everything Alex," Toby shook his head in exasperation. "Didn't you wonder why the door was open for you when we were supposed to be closed? Why the sign flashed the exact moment you entered the Bar? They're indicators Alex; the Bar thinks you're a good candidate for Kwikspell."

"So you're telling me an inanimate object has chosen me as a student for a school that is not approved by the Ministry for Magic?"

"That just about covers it," Tobias shrugged. "But the Ministry has nothing to do with this anyways. Kwikspell's been around far longer than those snobs, and we've been able to keep ourselves hidden just fine. We're just hidden in plain sight, that's all. So, are you in or not, 'cause I have to finish these dishes before the evening rush."

"Yes," Snape said, hoping to Merlin he would not regret this decision as much as he thought he would. "Toby, why don't you just use magic to finish those dishes?"

"Too much magic can make a guy lazy," Toby smiled as he pointed to a stack of coasters on the bar. "Enough of the stuff in this place is enchanted anyways. Just take one of those coasters and we can start the registration process."

"A…coaster?" Snape said, picking one off the top of the pile. It was red with blue writing, displaying the bar's name on a piece of wood like that above Toby's head. He surveyed it from all angles, but it just looked like any old coaster. "What does this have to do with anything?"

"Like I said, a lot of stuff here is magical," Toby handed Alexander the ball-point pen he had circled the school on Snape's map with. "Even the coasters are magical, if the right person is holding it. Just write your full name on the back of the coaster, and then keep it with you."

"What is this, some sort of key?" Snape asked, scrawling _Alexander Severus Snape_ on the back. He kept it out of Toby's sight so as not to be ridiculed for his embarrassing initials.

"You could say that," Toby said, taking back the pen and putting it into his breast pocket. "The Bar won't let you in unless you have one. If you lose it, you'll just have to wait until business hours like everyone else. It'll also let you into any of our other locations without all the hassle of explaining yourself."

"You have other locations?" Alexander asked, swiping an unused towel from behind the counter and drying a glass himself. He pocketed the coaster beforehand, making a mental note to laminate it or something. "Your bar was the only one mentioned on the brochure."

"The Bar figures out who is worthy of becoming a student, and that lowers our numbers," Toby smiled as Snape continued to do the dishes the Muggle way. "Besides, we have to make a living other ways as well; our classes are located all around London. We even have branches in other countries, which helps with correspondence."

Alexander could not believe that an entire school had been operating right under the Ministry's noses. It was rather exciting, going against the whims of Albus Dumbledore and rebelling in his own way. Snape had to admit, it was intriguing; and all he needed to do was sign a bloody coaster.

"Oh, and don't even bother trying to tell the Ministry about us," Toby said as Alexander handed him the last of the glasses. "We send them flyers all the time; they just consider it junk mail. Besides, the few times they've tried to raid us, they've either been refused entry, or the bar's in full swing and we all stare at them like they're bloody idiots from a costume party. That reminds me; you got a flat around here?"

"I have a house not far from here, yes," Snape responded. "Why?"

"Well, you'll have to pack if you want to attend the Academy," Toby said, matter-of-factly. "We don't allow wizard's robes around here, so you'll need some more average clothes. Robes tend to make the other students uncomfortable, and make less worthy to learn magic. In other words, you'll need Muddle clothing or whatever you call people who don't dress like every day is Halloween."

"The term is 'Muggle'," Alexander corrected, mentally going over his wardrobe. He really didn't possess much in terms of Muggle clothes; literally the shirt on his back. He would need to purchase some more appropriate apparel before returning. "I believe I shall have to depart; I do not own a great deal of 'normal' clothes, so a shopping trip is in order. I shall return later in the evening to secure my spot at the Academy."

Just as Severus was turning to leave, a groan erupted from the room behind the bar. A woman in her late twenties appeared, dragging a very large floor waxer behind her. Trudging like it was the most mundane and strenuous job in the world, the female plugged in the machine and let it roar.

"Alexander, meet Anita," Toby yelled, gesturing towards the woman in the yellow-flowered apron. "Anita's been here forever, and she still refuses to get rid of her coaster."

"You just love me too much!" Anita yelled as she began to buff the hard-wood floors. "Why can't I just use magic again?"

"Remember Anita: 'Wax on…wax off'," Toby said, making circular gestures with his hands, still holding a towel. He winked at Alexander like it was some sort of joke.

"Yeah sure Mr. Miyagi!" Anita yelled back, continuing to wax the floors. "You owe me a drink though!"

"Yeah, sure!" Toby yelled back, making Snape cover his ears. If this was any indication of what days at the Academy would be like, it wasn't much better than first-year Potions. "First drink every Wednesday's on the Bar!"

"You may want to invest in a pair of these while you're out," Toby said quietly, making a pair of earplugs appear in his hand. "It helps when the waxer's on, and when she is too."

"I heard that!" Anita screamed, turning off the buffer and leaning on it like an odd perch. "Who's the new recruit?"

"This is Alexander," Toby smiled as Anita walked over to where Snape was standing. "The Bar just accepted him."

"Well, aren't you just an eye-sore," Anita said, giving Severus a once-over. "Hogwarts graduate I assume? The tie gave it away. Green and silver…not a good combo, if you catch my drift."

Snape could have said something about Anita's outfit if he wasn't so wary about displeasing the tavern. The woman, upon removing her apron and setting it on the waxer, was wearing a zebra-striped no-sleeved dress and large butterfly earrings. Her long dark brown hair was tied in an elaborate French braid down her back, and a pair of black and white strapped sandals completed her ensemble. Alexander was surprised Anita could stand let alone negotiate a buffer with those heels on.

"It is a…pleasure to meet you Anita," he said, hesitating as he held out his hand. "I assume I shall be seeing more of you in the next few weeks?"

"Damn straight," Anita winked; her grip firm and confident as she completed the handshake. "Judging by that get-up you're wearing, we'll be seeing a lot of each other."

"What do you mean?" Alex asked; a puzzled expression on his face. He wanted to get as far away as humanly possible from this woman.

"Anita's in charge of Wizard Integration, Alexander," Toby smiled as Snape's eyes grew wide.

"Basically, I'm going to make you look normal."


	3. Pains, Strains, and Automobiles

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the books mentioned in this story, nor the Harry Potter characters. I do own Lenny and Anita, as well as the cabbie that so far does not have a name. Perhaps he will get one in later chapters, since he will be carting around Anita and Alex for the time being. If anyone has a suggestion for the cabbie's name and the shopping clerk's names, please let me know.

A/N: I know it's kind of confusing that I've given Snape another name, but it does help to conceal his true identity. This chapter has a bit SS/LE in it, but I don't think it will be prominent in later chapters. Toby will show up again in later chapters; after all, he still owes Anita a drink. And there is a reason why Anita is so cynical about wizards.

Oh, and if you have read my stories "The Plant" and "Dust Jacket," you'll understand where most of Snape's book collection comes from.

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"So this is it huh?" commented Anita as her and Alexander stood in front of Spinner's End. "I was expecting a castle or something. A high-ranking wizard like you should have a castle."

"I will take that as a twisted compliment," was Alexander's snarky reply as he steadied his hand so he could unlock his door. "I apologize for the situation earlier."

When the pair had exited _Toby's_, Anita had insisted they take public transportation to his house. Unfortunately, Alexander did not like to take buses, let alone double-decker ones. Anita had convinced him that they should go on the top level, and needless to say, he had nearly ruined her perfectly good dress with his breakfast.

"No harm done," Anita shrugged. It turned out her dress was mess-proof, so the offending substance had disappeared upon contact. "You're just lucky I ensure my entire wardrobe is filth-resistant. If it wasn't, why I'd need a new outfit every night! Not that that would be a bad thing…"

Alexander heard the satisfying click of the key in the lock before Anita could continue her rambling. Without a word he led her up the stairs to his house, their shoes creaking on the wooden floor. Then, they were in his living room.

"So this is the humble abode of the great wizard Alexander," Anita commented as she browsed the well-stocked room. "You certainly have a lot of books."

"I suppose we all have our collections," was his reply as he turned to go into what she supposed was his chambers. "You can browse them if you would like. However, I must warn you about those on the top shelf; some of them bite."

"I used to collect watches!" Anita yelled, and then realized Alexander had left the room. She mumbled her next words. "I wanted to keep as much time for myself as possible."

Humming to herself as she brushed a perfectly manicured nail across the bindings, she began to browse Alex's extensive collection. _101 Uses for Eye of Newt, Potion- Making Through the Ages, _and _A Crash-Course in Cauldron Cleaning_ were some of the titles. Anita also noted some relating strictly to Defense Against the Dark Arts. These included: _Vampires and the Methods to Slay Them, Werewolves: A Comprehensive Guide, The Encyclopedia of Anti-Curses, _and _Self-Made Spells for Beginners._ However, it was the contents of the bottom shelf which caught Anita's eye.

Peering closer to the old and worn books on the shelf, Anita recognized some books from her youth. _Dracula_ by Bram Stoker stood out, along with a worn copy of Mary Shelley's _Frankenstein_. These seemed like relatively normal books for a wizard to possess, since they dealt with monsters and the like. What Anita did not expect to see was that the wizard possessed the collective works of William Shakespeare.

And the nearly-hidden copy of _Sense and Sensibility _stuffed behind _Polyjuice Potion: The After-Effects_ just creeped her out.

Absently, Anita removed the book from its place behind the Potions book. She made note that Alexander was still bustling in his room, probably trying to find a single piece of normal clothing in his possession. Looking both ways, and then settling herself in the room's single arm-chair, Anita began to study the book.

It was exactly as it appeared to be; a very old and worn novel. It had obviously been flipped through a million times and possibly read the same amount. Creased numerous times with bunny-ears in certain places, Alex had scoured its pages for some hidden meaning. After looking at the book's first page, Anita realized why he was so intent on keeping this book out of plain sight.

_Sev,_

_I hope when you read this book you will reconsider your life's decisions. It seems a shame to spoil the ending, but everyone who deserves their happily ever after gets it. Just ask yourself this…do you want a happy ending?_

_Lily._

The moment Anita finished reading the inscription; she shoved the book back in its place. Alex would undoubtedly throw a fit if he knew she had read an obviously private message. But of course, this book raised questions. Who was this Lily person, and who in the world was Sev? Were they friends? Lovers? Husband and wife? And what in the world had Sev done that was so wrong Lily had sent them a message in a romance novel? She would have to play it safe and slowly wheedle the information out of Alex as the weeks went by. After all, she did have all summer she supposed.

At the sound of Alex closing his suitcase, Anita grabbed the book about vampires and pretended she had been reading it all along. She made a mental note that many of the pages had also been marked, and that there were other books on the topic cluttering the shelves. Perhaps he was just a bit vampire-paranoid.

"I'm ready for your damn shopping trip," Alex said, holding a rather worn suitcase in his pale hands. "We might as well get this over with."

"Sure thing," Anita said, smiling brightly. She placed the book back on the shelf as if she had been interested in it the entire time. "Nothing quite like vampire-slaying. Who are you, Dr. Van Helsing or something?"

"Hardly," Alex replied, pulling at his shirt collar slightly. "Let's just say a wise man once said 'Once bitten, twice shy.'"

Anita peered closer at the wizard's neck, her eyes growing wide at the scars on his neck. They were vampire bites all right, but they were down-right messy. She had met many vampires in her line of work, and none of them dragged their teeth across a person's throat. Something very strong had ripped the vampire off before they could do any real damage.

"I was saved from a vampire when I was young," Alex said dismissively, waving his hand. "Ironically, it was by another vampire. Since then, I have devoted some of my extra time to lessen the vampire problem."

"That seems…noble," Anita said, lying through her teeth. Some of Toby's customers were vampires, and when she served a "Bloody Mary," there was more than just tomato juice in it. "I guess we'd better get going. I'll shrink that for you."

Alexander stared in shock when he realized he had been attempting to shrink his luggage with his useless wand. Why he had even bothered to bring the blasted thing, he wasn't quite certain. He handed over his suitcase to Anita hesitantly. With a few mumbled words, the suitcase shrank to the size of a pincushion and she placed it inside her large golden purse.

"Would it inconvenience you if we took another form of transportation to our next destination?" Alex asked as he locked the door to Spinner's End. "I would not like this afternoon's episode to repeat itself."

"Sure, we'll take a cab," Anita said, stepping toward the curb. She took out a very old and worn coaster from inside her purse and used it to flag down a taxi. She smiled as Alex gave her a puzzled look. "Like Toby said, we have connections all over the place."

"You sound as though the Academy has some sort of connection to the Mafia," Alex sneered as he entered the car. "Can you order someone to be killed as well?"

"People say that Toby's chili can be lethal," Anita said as she flashed her coaster at the driver. Alex made a mental note not to order the chili as Anita gave the man directions. "We're going to _Lenny's_."

The cabbie glanced back at the pair and nodded in agreement. His face was lined with so many wrinkles; it looked like a map of the Underground. His teeth were yellow and uneven, but he smiled brightly and winked in Anita's direction. Alex didn't realize exactly what he had gotten himself into until the cab arrived at their destination.

"This certainly cannot be the right place," he said, unsure of his sense of direction for the second time as he got out of the cab. "Obviously the driver was mistaken; there must be another _Lenny's_ in the vicinity."

"Nope," Anita replied as she saw the shocked expression on the wizard's face. She smiled as he frantically searched for the cab which had departed in a cloud of smoke. "This is where our journey begins."

"There is no way in the Seven Circles of Hell I am going in there," Alex said as he planted his feet on the ground. "This was not part of Toby's agreement. You cannot make me."

"You forget that I can use magic," Anita winked.

She muttered a levitation spell and caused him to float to the door. Alex protested her supposed harassment, but his protests met deaf ears. There was no way Alex could go about unnoticed without some major changes. Anita heard the satisfying tinkling of bells as the yelling man entered into _Lenny's_ and plopped into a black over-stuffed chair.

_Lenny's_ was a hair salon.

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Thanks for the reviews! :D


	4. Ironing it Out

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter or its character. I own everyone else.

A/N: Snape's hair-cut is based on a tousled black-haired Hans Gruber. I'm a Rickman fan, I'll admit. And the kitty mishap is described in my story "Coward." I just changed Destane's name and background, but not his disposition.

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Lenny looked like the kind of man a mother would tell her children to stay as far away from as humanly possible. The hairdresser was a heavy-set man with a large bald head and a long scythe-shaped scar on his forearm. His arms were covered in a map of random tattoos that reminded Alexander of ancient cave symbols. The man should have been on the back of a bloody motorcycle, not cutting hair.

"Annie!" the hulking man said, smiling broadly as Anita gave him a big hug. It was easier for Snape to count the number of teeth Lenny possessed; the rest either had fillings or were completely gold. "And you brought a customer!"

"Lenny, this is Alex," Anita smiled as she let go of the man. Alex just sneered and stared machetes at the stylist. "As you can see, he needs a little help in the hair department."

"What did you put in that hair?" Lenny mumbled, raising a dark brown eyebrow as he surveyed Snape. "Cover it is gasoline or something? No doubt it's flammable. Ever heard of gel?"

"Shut up," Snape sneered, looking at Lenny in disgust. "I have been taken here against my will by a psychotic taxi driver and a woman who refuses to listen to me. Just let me go!"

"Look buddy," Lenny said as he took a curling iron off of the counter. "I don't want to have to use this, but I just might have to."

"What are you going to do…curl me to death?" Snape sneered. He noticed that Anita was shaking her head vigorously. "Excuse me if I am not terrified."

Anita rolled her eyes and Lenny sighed as he waved the unplugged iron like a conductor's baton. Snape immediately realized that he had made a terrible mistake by insulting the curling iron. A pulse of pure magical energy coursed through his body as he was dragged to one of the chairs near the wash-basins.

Lenny's wand was a Goddam curling iron.

"Well, I guess that's that," Lenny said as he walked towards Alex. Anita was giggling as Snape tried to escape his invisible bonds in vain. "I hate having to use the iron, but as they say, beauty hurts."

Snape was about to yell some sort of snide retort, but instead found his head being dunked into a cloud of lavender-scented bubbles. Lenny's tattooed hands were trying in vain to get rid of the filthy gunk that was in Snape's hair. To his surprise, the man's hands were callused, with the texture of sandpaper. It was not the most pleasurable way for someone to have their hair washed. Maybe Lenny played in a middle-aged rock group in his spare time or something. Snape wouldn't put it past him.

"I guess I'll have to resort to desperate measures," Lenny said, a grin on his face. Alex's face was contorted in a shocked expression as his gaze flicked to the man's head. "Don't worry; I won't shave it off. You would look horrible bald anyways."

Snape decided not to tell Lenny he didn't look so great bald either. The man did have Snape's head in his hands; literally. For all he knew, he would come out of the salon with pink hair. He hoped to Merlin that would not be considered a fashion statement.

Lenny dunked his head in the water again, but this time the bubbles smelled like a mixture of dill pickles and cinnamon. Snape's gag reflex nearly set itself off, but he repressed it. If pickles and cinnamon would get Lenny off of his case, then so be it. Snape's lip curled as he decided to try and relax a bit, but would breathe through his mouth instead.

He also had a renewed respect for the witches of old who had to endure constant water-torture.

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Lenny smiled as he surveyed his handiwork. Using one of his home-made potions, he had gotten rid of the greasy goop that had been in this guy's hair. Whether it was a natural thing or the guy had never heard of shampoo, it was cured.

It was way too long though. Shoulder-length hair looked good on vampires and the occasional Goth. It did not suit this wizard at all; and it was Lenny's job to fix it. Smiling deviously, he aimed the curling iron at a stack of scissors and flipped the switch.

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Before Alex could protest, he found himself being dragged towards the front of the shop and the chairs. A large bib-like smock flew off of a hook on the wall and secured itself around his neck. Snape could also hear the distinct sound of over-anxious scissors preparing to cut off his hair.

Looking in the mirror, he had to admit that Lenny had done a good job. His hair no longer blinded people when he stood under a fluorescent light. It looked normal, which was a change for Snape. He wasn't used to fitting in.

Anita winked at him from across the room as she looked up from the magazine she had been looking through. She flashed him a thumbs up and a pearly-white grin as he glared back. Words didn't seem necessary when Anita was obviously not listening.

"Now let's get you back into this century," Lenny said as a pair of scissors appeared next to Snape's right ear. "On my count…one…two…three…cut!"

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In a flurry of snips and snaps, Alex watched in horror as pieces of his hair fluttered to the ground. Some were huge clumps while others were more fragile wisps of hair. He decided to ignore the mirror and Anita's satisfied smirk by watching the hair fall. Besides the occasional sneeze, he was mesmerized by the daintiness of it all. Maybe Lenny wouldn't be more at home on a motorcycle.

"All done," Lenny chirped as he dropped the scissors on the counter. "You can look now Alexander. Don't worry; your hair isn't green."

Snape couldn't believe the man in the mirror was him. His black hair was cut short and business-like, not the greasy mop it used to be. He also had a beard and moustache, which was new. He always kept himself clean-shaven, but this was a pleasant surprise. He actually…liked…the man in the mirror.

For the first time in quite a while, Snape cracked a full-blown smile. He peered closer at his reflection in the mirror with interest. The smile was foreign to him, as well as the perfectly white teeth in his mouth. Somehow or another, Lenny had played dentist with him as well.

"How did you…hair…teeth…magic?"

"That's the closest to a compliment you're going to get Lenny," Anita said, her heels clicking as she walked over to his chair. "He's a man of a lot of words; but most of them are negative."

"Lookin' good Alex," Lenny said, as he placed the curling iron back on the counter. "You're gonna have all the ladies after you, just wait. It would work for Annie, if she would just get a man."

"I'll find one in my own time," Anita glared at Lenny as the man removed the smock and dusted the remains of Snape's hair off of his shoulders with a brush. Snape got up and brushed off the remnants from his collar and pants. "Right now, I have to get this one to your wife's shop."

"Tell Yolanda I love her," Lenny smiled, his fillings flashing under the lights. For some reason, Lenny no longer looked like the kind of man who would appear in a police line-up. Alexander wondered if the Bar was changing him a bit, but for the better. "Have a good time, and don't let her boss you around too much Alex!"

Snape walked out of the hair salon, the grin no longer on his face. He still wasn't happy that Anita had forced him to get his hair cut, even if it turned out to be a good thing. He did not like being pressured, especially by a woman.

"You ready for our last stop?" Anita asked, standing beside him at the street's curb. "I'll get the cab."

"I doubt I will ever be ready for anything when I am around you," Snape said, watching the Muggle cars as they drove past them.

Anita wasn't sure exactly what Alex's statement meant, so she brushed it off. He wasn't the most positive person, but perhaps that could be remedied. She flagged down their former cabbie with her coaster and the two entered the car.

[TAXI] [TAXI] [TAXI] [TAXI] [TAXI]

"Well, you're looking snappy," the grisly driver said, adjusting his rear-view mirror for a double-take. "Lenny did a pretty good job."

"I suppose," Snape replied, rubbing his hand over his new beard. "It is…different."

In truth, Snape was a bit shocked. He had always kept himself clean-shaven for a reason; his uncle had had a beard. The man had been dead for over fifteen years, but his memory still stuck fast in his mind. When someone forced you to commit the Avada Kedavra on a cat when you are nine, you remember what they looked like. With a man like Dominic Prince as his only father-figure, it was no wonder Snape was so screwed up. He dismissed the thought as he buckled the seat-belt and the cabby sped off in a cloud of exhaust.

8 88 88 88 88 88 88 8

Hope you enjoyed it!


	5. Hanging in There

Disclaimer: Everyone's mine except for Harry Potter characters.

A/N: Meet Lenny's wife Yolanda. I thought she would be a nice match for Lenny. Snape will be going out for his first fast-food meal in the next chapter. Snape's obsession with vampires will also be revealed in later chapters (I have it written already) as well as his unofficial room-mate. Toby will be back soon, keeping everything in order as always.

Oh, and I got the idea of the mannequins trying to eat Snape from an old kid's show called _Today's Special_. Professor Thatcher makes an appearance in my story "No Good Deed" if you would like to learn more about him.

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Severus was practically dragged out of the taxi by Anita and the driver, who's name was apparently Phil. There was no way he was going shopping, let alone with a woman. Though he had never experienced this before, he had heard some rather unpleasant tales from Professor Thatcher, the Muggle Studies teacher. His wife Lucy was addicted to shopping, and had spent a record three hours in a change room trying on five dresses. He hoped to Merlin Anita wasn't that bad.

"Well, here's _Yolanda's Stop 'N Shop_!" Anita chirped, pressing her coaster against the glass door. "Now it's time for you to get your make-over."

"Oh happy day," Snape murmured, furrowing his brows and wondering if his vault at Gringotts would be empty by the time he left the shop. "Exactly how much is this going to cost me?"

"It's all on the Bar you twit," she said, smiling broadly as he shuffled into the store with Anita tagging behind. "Now stop looking like the mannequins are going to eat you and let's go see Yolanda."

"Well if it isn't my most fashionable customer," said a sultry female voice from the back of the store. "I'll be out in a moment Hon, Calvin's giving me hell again. He says I put a small shirt on him rather than a large like it says on his handle."

"It was an accident," Anita explained, as Alex raised his eyebrows. "Calvin's Yolanda's brother. When he found out he was dying of cancer a few years ago, he tried to put his soul in something else. Instead of it ending up in a living thing though, well, he turned into a mobile hanger."

"Phew," Yolanda sighed, balancing a wire hanger on her arm. "Calvin's a great brother and all, but man can he complain."

The first thing Snape thought when he saw Yolanda was _How in the world did she end up with Lenny?_ The store's owner had the physique of a fashion model and the wardrobe to match. Her black hair was glossy and voluptuous, and her eyes were mesmerizing. With skin the color of caramel and lips like maraschino cherries, she was a temptation for any man. Like he said, why she married Lenny was beyond his comprehension.

"If I had ears you'd probably nag them off," the hanger snapped, unhooking itself from Yolanda's arm and floating upside-down. "If I ran this shop, the employees would never complain

The hanger was at the bottom and the triangle created a demented mouth. A pair of disembodied eyes and eyebrows was on the middle of the wire, scrutinizing Alexander. He never thought he could be intimidated by a hanger, but he had been proven wrong many times today.

"Well, who's this Hon?" Yolanda said, nodding towards Snape and ignoring her brother. She lowered her voice and murmured to Anita. "Another one of those snob-nosed wizards I'll bet. Can't even make a dress shirt look normal now can he? Thank God men don't have to wear heels."

"This is Alexander," Anita said, trying to suppress a chuckle. "He's our newest member and needs to look like your Average Joe."

"Now Annie," Yolanda said, shaking her head disapprovingly and clicking her tongue. "There's no need to bring my brother-in-law into this."

"Lenny's brother Joseph own _Average Joe's Burgers_ down the street," Anita explained as Snape nodded. He had to pretend he understood some of this blasted stuff or he would look like a bloody idiot. "I'll have to take you there sometime…maybe after we're done here."

"Like on a date?" Yolanda winked and nudged Anita with her elbow. "Annie's quite a catch once you get to know her Alex."

"Landa," Anita sighed, rolling her eyes as Snape's cheeks reddened. "I'm perfectly fine by myself thank you very much. It's Alexander the Great here who needs your help."

"Definitely," Yolanda said, her brows furrowing as she strode over to Snape. Yolanda was even taller than him, though that may have had to do with the pair of stiletto sandals she was wearing. Eyeing him up and down with pursed lips, Snape got the chilling feeling he was being surveyed like a piece of meat. The fact that Calvin was doing the same thing was even stranger. His wire frame was bent into a scowl as the siblings tried to figure out how to make him look normal.

After what seemed like hours, Yolanda reached out her right hand and a price-checker flew across the room. It had a horrible sense of direction, causing Alexander to duck to avoid its path. Yolanda snatched up her electric wand as Snape re-gained his composure and gestured for him to follow her to the racks of clothes. Calvin followed, his wire mouth stuck in a scowl. Anita just stood back to watch the show.

"You have got to be joking," Snape said as he looked at himself in the mirror. He was wearing a blue t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He had even been told to wear a pair of runners. He looked like a Muggle. He assumed that was the point, but he didn't have to like it. "I look like an idiot."

"You mean you look normal," Calvin said, hovering next to his shoulder. It was rather unnerving, having a talking hanger surveying your every move.

"You can say nothing," Snape commented as he pushed the hanger out of the way. "You are not exactly the most inconspicuous character in the world."

"There's no need to get violent Alex," Yolanda scorned. "You look just fine. There's just one thing left."

"And what would that be?" Snape said, raising an eyebrow.

"You need to get yourself a new suit," Yolanda smiled as she nodded towards Anita. "And Annie needs to get a new dress. The Academy's annual dance is coming up, and you'll need to look your best."

"You set me up!" Snape said, stabbing a finger at Anita as she approached the racks of dresses. "You want me to go to a bloody dance!"

"You chose to come here at a bad time is all," Anita smiled as she rifled through the dresses. "You don't have to go if you don't want to. But Toby would take offense."

Snape grumbled under his breath as he began to shove suits aside. He picked a plain black one, with the standard white shirt and black tie. He was about to try it on when the bloody hanger had to voice his opinion.

"You going to a funeral and didn't tell us or something?"

"I am perfectly capable of picking my own clothing Calvin," Snape growled, about to shove the door closed. "Leave me be."

"Just try this on," Calvin said, wedging a suit ensemble into the room. "Humor me."

"I've never had much of a sense of humor," Snape mumbled as he decided to try it on for the hanger's sake. "Anita…don't take all bloody day in there!"

********************************

By the time Anita had finished getting her dress; Snape had already decided a coat hanger had more sense than he did. The grey suit he had tried on fit perfectly, along with the navy tie the hanger had chosen. He was allowed to keep the white shirt, after much begging.

"Well, that was productive," Anita said, as she flashed her coaster in front of Yolanda's wand. Her dress was apparently already packed up and in a pink shopping bag. All of Snape's new clothes were also in the same bags. He wished he had his magic back so he could turn the bags white or at least shrink them. "Lenny says he loves you."

"What a sweet-heart," Yolanda smiled, getting all dreamy-eyed. Snape could have vomited. "He's a fine man if I do say so myself."

"Well, see you later Landa and Calvin!" Anita waved as Snape lifted his bags. "Thanks for the help!"

"Wonderful…people," Snape managed as the pair walked out of the shop. "I suppose we will be going back to the Academy then."

"Nope," Anita smiled as she took one of his bags. "I promised you a meal at _Average Joe's_, so we're going there."

"Then I suppose we'll need Phil," Snape sighed, waiting for Anita to wave her coaster.

"Who said anything about taking a cab?" Anita said as she began to stride to the sidewalk. "We're walking. We'll need to burn some calories before we eat some of Joe's food anyways. Remember what Toby says about too much magic?"

"Too much magic makes a man lazy," Snape sneered as he began to drag the pink bags to the side-walk.

Now he knew why he wasn't married.

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Hope you enjoyed it!


	6. Burger Joint

Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters belong to JKR, everyone else is mine.

A/N: Back to the bar next chapter, where Alex meets one of the tavern's most interesting customers. Also, Snape's real intentions in his worst memory are revealed. Meantime, if you would like Toby in action, I have posted a link to his video.

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"I thought they called this 'fast food' for a reason," Snape grumbled as he stared down at his empty plate. "It certainly is taking its time."

"It's not like it's going to just appear on your plate," Anita replied, giving him a wink. "This is a Muggle restaurant remember."

"I prefer magical ones," he replied, looking down at the pile of shopping bags he had to drag through a busy intersection and up a hill that never seemed to end. "House elves at least get your food and leave immediately, no idle conversation necessary."

"But think; someone actually had to prepare this food without using magic," she pointed out. "Your hamburger will be made with tender care; each one a piece of art."

"From the way you describe a hamburger, it doesn't seem to require much intellect," Snape snapped.

Anita had taken the courtesy of ordering them both a hamburger with fries. He hadn't eaten a hamburger since he was young. Lily had invited him over to her house for dinner, much to Petunia's disgust. It was as if having Alex at the table would contaminate it or something. Now, eating a simple burger and fries with another woman seemed like he wasn't honoring Lily's memory. Sure it was a stupid thought, but little things like that brought back the bittersweet memories of Lily Evans-Potter.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew Lily would find it refreshing. He was finally doing something different, getting out of the rut of her memory. It was as if she was nodding her head in approval at who he had managed to become in a matter of hours.

For the first time in a while, Snape allowed himself to relax.

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"So, how is it?" Anita asked after swallowing a mouthful of burger. "Amazing?"

"Tolerable," Snape replied, taking another bite of his own. He had to admit, the hamburger was quite good. It was nice to think a human being had taken the time to make the meal instead of a slave-driven House-elf.

A skinny waitress with large curls on her head had eventually given them their orders. She kept on calling Anita "toots" for some reason, and it puzzled Snape. The woman had also managed to dump Snape's drink on his new jeans, which would have been disastrous if Anita hadn't taken the precaution of bewitching all of his clothes with her filth-proof spell. To the Muggle waitress's amazement, all of the soda had slid off of his pants and onto the floor, which she would have to clean after the pair left.

"Howdy there Annie!" came a high-pitched male voice from across the restaurant. "Sorry I didn't see ya there; my new glasses come in next week."

The man loped over, looking remarkably like a walking mop with a cowboy hat on top of it. Joe was remarkably tall and skinny, with long blond hair that seemed to unintentionally clump together. His skin was blotchy, resembling bark and he was wearing a checkered shirt that was extremely large for him. A pair of glasses as thick as the bottom of a bottle completed the awkward look.

If this is what was considered to be "normal," Snape would rather stick out.

"Hey Joe," Anita said, her voice not nearly as chipper and annoying as usual. It seemed that not even Anita could like absolutely everyone. "How's business?"

"Same old, same old," he sighed dramatically. "It looks like you're doin' well though. You got yourself a guy!"

"Shut up," both Anita and Alex grumbled, exchanging a look of pure hatred and annoyance.

"Looks like you're both in denial then," Joe said, crossing his arms. "I know chemistry when I see it."

"Joe, you've been married four times," Anita's eyes narrowed. "You don't exactly have the best taste."

"But I do have experience," Joe pointed out. "I can weed out the good women from the bad now, and Anita's a great find."

"So everyone's told me," Snape rolled his eyes as Joe left. He turned back to Anita. "Why are all your friends so obsessed with seeing you with a man?"

"It's a long story," Anita replied, staring at the pile of fries dowsed in ketchup.

"Well, something tells me it will be a long wait for the bill."

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Alex was right about the bill, and Anita was right about the story. Apparently she had numerous boyfriends as a teenager, but her parents never approved of them. They only wanted her to date men with some magical blood in their veins, which was hard for Anita.

"They're like vampires," Anita explained as Snape flinched. "They're so obsessed with blood-lines it's ridiculous. That's why I entered the Academy; I had to rebel somehow."

Anita had graduated from one of the formal wizarding schools when she was a teen, but had not gone into specifics. What really mattered was that she had entered the Academy after, and her parents had disowned her. Toby had let her stay at the Academy as long as she worked for him.

"He's more of a father to me than my Dad ever was," Anita commented.

"I cannot exactly relate," Snape replied, happy to get a word in. "I never even knew my father; he died right after I was born."

"That's terrible," Anita said, absently reaching for the ketchup. When she realized Alex had been doing the same and her hand was on his, she pulled away, her cheeks flaring red. "Sorry about that."

"It was a mistake, that's all," Snape replied, taking out his coaster and placing it on the table. "Waitress, could we have the bill please?"

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"Well, never thought I'd have to pick you up here," Phil said as he drove up to the burger joint. "Thought you would die waiting for service."

"Told you it was a long wait," Snape said as he loaded the bags into the trunk of the cab. "You could grow a beard by the time you get your meal in there."

"Like the clothes Alex," the cabby said as Snape slammed the trunk and got into the back seat next to Anita. "But you could have called me from Yolanda's. You didn't need to walk."

"I know, I know," Snape sighed, as he looked at Anita in exasperation. "Too much magic makes you lazy."

"I was going to say Phil was right," Anita smiled. "You could have flagged him down if you wanted to; you have a coaster too. Admit it; you enjoyed the walk."

"Yes, I was completely ecstatic at the thought of walking five blocks with a ton of pink shopping bags."

Anita just grinned as the cab sped off into the twilight, headed for _Toby's _and Kwikspell Academy.

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Hope you enjoyed it, and please review!


	7. Penny, it's Dreadful

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and its characters. Everyone else is mine.

A/N: Originally a vampire named Simon Ysidro from a book called _Those Who Hunt the Night_ by Barbara Hambly was going to make an appearance in this chapter. However, I didn't want to get into cross-overs for this one, so I made my own vampire up. I have no idea who has more names, but I'm fairly certain Simon does. So meet Charles.

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"Well, if it isn't the Daring Duo," Toby smiled from behind the bar. "Have a nice shopping trip?"

"It was horrendous," Alex snapped, glaring at Anita. "If this is how you treat your students, I may consider revoking my attendance at the Academy."

"Aw, you're just mad 'caus I made you get your hair cut," Anita retorted, sitting on one of the bar stools. "I think it looks much better. Lenny really did a good job."

"That is debatable," Snape sighed, plopping down on the stool beside her. "That man was a menace. And his wife was no better, what with her talking hanger brother. This is all bloody insane in my opinion; the bloody cabby seems to be the only normal one around here."

"You may as well stay for a drink before you make any decisions," Toby smiled as Anita glowered at Snape. "Besides, we just opened officially; you don't need to break in this time."

"As long as one does not order the chili, one should be safe," came a soft, male voice from the front of the bar. Snape and Anita both turned their heads as the tinkling of bells indicated a visitor. "I'll have my usual Toby."

The stranger was probably the oddest creature he had ever met. His hair was slicked back, the color of dried blood. His skin had a grayish tinge to it and he was wearing a purple sweater even though it was summer. His eyes were odd as well; the pupils were a pale blue and his irises were black. He didn't look…human.

"Charles," Anita beamed as she got up to greet the customer. "It's been so long! How's…life been treating you?"

"Better now that I've seen your face," Charles said. Snape rolled his eyes in exasperation at the obvious flirting going on. "Oh, who is this?"

"This is Alexander," Anita said, gesturing towards Snape hesitantly. She did not want this to go poorly. "Alex, this is…oh, you just rhyme off your name for me."

"I am Charles Edward Benjamin Earhart Theodore Hugh-Regalla the Third," the stranger replied, bowing slightly. "However, Charles will suffice. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Snape noticed the fangs almost immediately. The same kind of fangs that had left those horrible scars on his neck. He drew his wand in preparation to cast the _Sectumsempra_ spell to lop off the vampire's head. That's why he had invented it in the first place; vampires were definitely his enemies.

Then, he remembered he couldn't do magic.

"Hey, no need to get hasty there Alex," Toby said, walking out from behind the bar. "Charles is okay; he won't bite."

"Ha ha," Snape snapped, pulling a pool cue from off of one of the bar's billiard tables. "Clever pun Toby, but I don't care whether he's a bloody vegetarian! You're monsters, the lot of you!"

"Don't be so quick to judge Alexander," the vampire said, his gaze flicking to Snape's left arm. It was as if he could see right through the fabric and recognized the faded Dark Mark. "At least I kill to stay alive, not for sport."

"That's it!" Toby yelled, standing between the two men who were now inches apart from one another. "Cut it out; both of you! I'm trying to run a business here, and the last thing I need is for someone to wind up dead…again!"

"You," Toby said pointing at Snape with the end of his cane, "will not threaten the lives of my customers. And you," Toby snapped, turning to Charles's flawless profile, "will drink your Bloody Mary like every other Monday. Just don't make me have to use this."

Snape stared in amazement as Toby's cane began to shoot sparks out of its bottom. He had seen Lucious' cane have a wand inside it and Hagrid's wand-turned-umbrella, but he had never thought a cane could function as a wand as well. Snape was utterly impressed, and stalked off towards the bar. Now he needed a drink.

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"I can't believe you did that!" Anita fumed as she sat on the stool beside Alex. "I know you're against vampires and everything, but that was stupid! Did you honestly think you could stake Charles with a damn cue? And what about business? If he wasn't so considerate, we'd lose all our undead customers! Do you have any idea how many we have?"

"I don't care about you and your damn bar," Snape muttered loud enough so that Charles, Toby, and Anita could hear. "I am forfeiting my application to the Academy. I can figure out how to get my powers back on my own. Besides I am way above filthy little Mudbloods like you anyway!"

And with that, Snape threw his coaster down and left the bar.

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Snape had forgotten how hard it was to get a taxi in downtown London at nine o'clock at night. If he had his stupid piece of cardboard, Phil would have appeared out of thin air and given him a lift to Spinner's End in a heart-beat. Now he'd have to wait for his own cab for about thirty minutes while the customers and staff of _Toby's _stared at him like some sort of side-show freak.

The tinkling of bells from behind him startled Snape out of his trance. He hadn't thought anyone would want to talk to him after what he had said to Toby and Anita. But it was for their own good; he had to remember that. If he hadn't said it, well the implications would have been tremendous.

"What you did in there was extremely foolish," said a familiar voice from behind him. The vampire from the bar was beside him, red hair fluttering in the wind. It was no wonder the pretty blonde women in the old-fashioned Penny Dreadfuls had fallen for vampires in the blink of an eye. "It was also very brave."

"I don't know what you are getting at vampire," Snape snapped, turning his gaze from Charles. "I called Toby and Anita exactly what they were; Mudbloods. Filthy Muggle spawn, the scum of all wizards."

"You know you meant no such thing," Charles scoffed, catching a glimpse at the scars on Snape's neck. "You were trying to protect them, since someone failed to do it for you. You were trying to save them…from me."

"You are mad!" Snape swiveled around to glare at the living corpse next to him. "I am a wizard for Merlin's sake! They are nothing but a bunch of wizard imitators, performing a few parlor tricks is all. Nothing worth protecting."

"Do you know where the term 'Mudblood' came from?" Charles said, in a dismissive tone. "It originated in Merlin's time, or so I am told. I am not a very old vampire by any means, but my acquaintances are."

"I am not standing here to hear your life's story vampire," Snape snarled as he looked into the bustling traffic. "I am merely waiting for my cab."

"Anyways, the term came as a form of protection against vampires," Charles continued, not caring if Alexander listened to him or not. "It means 'Dirty Blood,' though I am fairly certain you know that already. Wizards would call their Muggle-born friends Mudbloods since some vampires prefer magical blood over Muggle blood. It is an acquired taste, and I do not have quite the palate for it.

Vampires cannot tell the difference between Pure-Blood, Half-Blood or Muggle-Born wizards. This was a warning to tell vampires that preyed on wizards that the buffet did not have a good selection. Even some Pure-Bloods would be called it, just to remain on the safe side. The vampire would then leave, allowing them to continue on with their lives.

Over the centuries the term has been twisted into a warped version of its former glory. Instead of being a warning, it is now an insult. Wizards use it to distance themselves from others, but a select few know its true meaning and will protect the one's they care about with it."

Charles had read Snape's mind. Despite all of his Occulemency training, it was to no avail. His magic didn't work anyhow, so his life was an open book. Charles knew about Lily and how he had called her that horrible name so long ago. He also knew about the vampire who had been lurking in the shadows that same day, thirsty for the blood of a talented red-headed witch who came to Snape's defence. The one who would have killed her if he hadn't been in the proper situation to insult her, and to sever their relationship. The vampire who had been stalking him since he was a boy.

"I have explained your situation to Toby and Anita," Charles said simply, watching the cars as they roared past. "They were shocked when you first said it, but apparently you have a large collection of books on vampires at your home. Anita happened to read the history of the term this morning, and understood its context. You obviously cared about the girl in your memory, as well as Anita and Toby."

"If you're so wise and all-knowing, then why are you not trying to convince me to go back to the bar?"

"It is your decision to go back," Charles explained, smiling slightly. "Make your choice; go back to your old world or seek out a new one. Comfort for the unknown; it is your call. Oh, and you dropped this."

Charles pressed Snape's coaster into the palm of his hand and went back into the bar. For a moment Alexander stared at the piece of cardboard, his head cocked to the side. It was just like Lily had said; he had to decide whether he deserved his happily ever after.

Choosing the unknown, Snape walked back through the door, hoping this was the right path.

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Hope you enjoyed it!

Ysidro.


	8. Bloody, it's Mary

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter characters or any of the urban legends and ghost stories that will pop up eventually in this story.

A/N: Alright, the first segment of this chapter is actually told from the view of the Bar itself. I know it sounds odd, but _Toby's_ is considered to be a character in itself. There is a bit of history in this segment as well, so you can get a vague idea of just how old this tavern really is. Oh, and its position is a wooden sign above the actual bar, so it can see everything.

The second part is the normal everyday telling. It will switch points of view as well. If you could handle the Sectumsempra curse, you can handle this. Snape has a blindfold on at one point, so it's told differently as well. This one is longer than the others as well.

Charles can do this telepathy thing, so that's why he will be talking for Snape. I changed Snape's past a bit, made Dumbledore more of a jerk, and made the Dark Mark a bit more prominent. Rather fluffy, but the Bar likes it that way.

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The Bar was pleased. It had been so long since a new member of its guild had entered its wooden doors. Alright, so it wasn't that long ago…the Bar WAS old, so give it a bit of credit.

The Bar was the first of its kind, passed down from generation to generation. Though it had changed hands and names for many years, the magic within it had never faltered. As long as the owner's name was part of the Bar's new name, nothing could break that spell.

It remembered some of its past owners. His name had been Jonathan Reidman. For fun, he had named the Bar "The John," puzzling wives for half a century. When Reidman had finally retired from the bartending business, wives were still wondering how there husbands could spend three or more hours in the loo and wound up drunk.

This new development was intriguing. The Bar enjoyed when things played out naturally, not forcing it to use its powers over humans to influence them within its walls. The introduction of Alexander Severus Snape was too good to pass up, and it had accepted him immediately. Judging by his fast change in demeanor, the Bar's influence was working.

The Bar gurgled in anticipation as it watched from its perch above the rows of alcohol.

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"I'm back," Snape sighed as he trudged back into the bar, waving his coaster. "Uncle. I surrender to you and your blasted bar."

"I'm so glad you came back!" Anita chirped, flinging herself off the bar stool and giving Alexander a very large hug. Snape just stood there, stiff-backed and wide-eyed. "You're so sweet, trying to protect us from Charles. I didn't know you cared!"

"Atta boy Alex," Toby leaned against his cane from the back of the bar. "I knew you'd come back. You're lucky though; the Bar isn't usually this forgiving. Now pay up Charles."

"What?" Snape snapped, wide-eyed at the vampire. "You put a wager on whether or not I'd come back?"

"Of course not," Charles said dismissively, taking a few pounds out of his pocket and putting them in a jar labeled "Tips." "I was betting the Bar would not let you back in. Generally once one revokes their attendance at the Academy, it remains that way."

"Well, since you're here and everything, you may as well pick a room," Toby said, gesturing for Alex to follow him to the room behind the bar. "Then, you'll get your drink."

"Of course," Snape rolled his eyes as he picked up his shopping bags. "Whatever the Bar wants."

"That is the idea," Toby smiled hobbling over to the large wooden door. "Welcome to the Kwikspell Academy dormitories."

As Snape walked into the hallway, he had the impression that he was in some sort of Muggle hotel. The walls were a plain yellow with white trim and numerous doors lined each side. Instead of numbers, each room had a metal name plate on its door, baring the name of its occupant. Some were left blank, obviously not inhabited as of yet.

"Guys on the right, girls on the left," Toby gestured, jabbing a thumb in each direction. "As long as it doesn't have a name on it, it's yours for the taking."

Snape absently brushed his right hand along the doors, trying to find what would be his room for the next two months. He finally decided on a room, touching the chipped name-plate with his index finger. He jerked his finger back as the plate began to etch the word ALEXANDER on its metal face.

"Well, it's all yours," Toby said, leaning on his cane. "You go unpack, then we'll meet you at the bar."

"Something tells me this is going to take a while," Snape mumbled, dragging the bags inside. He shut the door behind him and surveyed his new room.

It wasn't anything fancy, but looked rather cosy. A standard queen bed was in the corner along with a plainly decorated bathroom to the right. A single desk and chair were in another corner, along with a heavily laden bookshelf. A fireplace that did not emit smoke stood along one of the walls, two armchairs beside the crackling flames. He had just laid his old tie depicting Slytherin's House colors on an oaken set of drawers when he saw it.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flicker of bright red hair. The color of the flames licking the wood in his fireplace. The color of Lily's hair.

Puzzled, Snape got up from his kneeling position on the carpeted floor and walked towards the source of the mirage. It was a mirror in a heavily gilded frame, like a miniature version of the Mirror of Erised. Peering closer at the reflective surface, he watched as Lily's reflection wavered in the glass.

He pressed a finger to the mirror, and then all hell broke lose.

Snape watched in horror as Lily's green eyes turned a milky white and her smile contorted to a grimace of malicious intent. Fingernails manicured to the point of talons pressed themselves across the other side of the glass, blood dripping from them like wet nail-polish. Then, Snape realized it wasn't the phantom's blood on her fingers.

Letting out a blood-curdling scream, Snape felt the talons rake across his face and chest. He felt the fabric of his t-shirt and dress-shirt he had put over it rip like Lupin's shirt did when he turned into a werewolf. Bloody streaks like rail-road tracks started to cross-hatch over him, but still he couldn't look away.

Then, the most unlikely of heroes barged in to save him.

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The moment Toby heard the sound of Alexander screaming, he swore under his breath in a variety of languages. He should have never let Wilkinson re-decorate one of his rooms. That man was a sneak and a cheat. He reminded himself to hex him when he got the chance.

"Charles, come with me," Toby said, inviting the vampire into the dormitories for the first time. "Anita, get anything and everything you can think of to fix whatever Alex may have gotten himself into. We'll meet you in the Infirmary."

With the efficiency of two soldiers getting an order from a commanding officer, the bar's only inhabitants at that moment got to work. Anita ran around to the back of the bar as fast as her heels would take her and bustled around through the mass amounts of potions disguised as liquor. With no effort at all, Charles picked up Toby and crashed through the wooden door as if it were made of packing peanuts.

Toby watched as the vampire scanned the walls for Alex's name. He didn't bother to complain about the fact that Charles had carried him so unceremoniously, flung over his shoulder with his prosthetic legs dragging on the ground. For once in his life he was thankful he couldn't feel them; he would have had major carpet burn when this was over. Finally locating Alex's room, the vampire crashed through yet another door. Vampires always were one for drama.

"What in the name of…?" Toby's voice trailed off at the sight of Alex's bloody face. "Well don't just stand there…put me down!"

Charles dropped Toby on his feet and the old man sneered at Snape's intense gaze. Alex mumbled something about how beautiful Lily looked. With as much power as a man his age could muster Toby shoved Alex to the ground. He listened to the sound of broken glass as Charles elbowed the mirror and it shattered in a million pieces.

"Bloody freakin' Mary!" Toby yelled in frustration. "That isn't going to do a goddamn thing Charles! She'll get him some other way!"

Snape stared in an other-worldly trance as the pieces of glass fell to the floor. Tiny malicious Lilys smiled back, raking smaller but still painful scratches on his face. Toby realized it was no bloody use; he'd have to save the boy's own damn skin.

With the eyes of a soldier trying to help a fallen comrade, Toby surveyed his surroundings. The shopping bags were too far to be of any help; they might as well have been a mile away. Charles was about as useful as a rock; he had never studied the Dark Arts and had no magical ability whatsoever.

The tie.

Grabbing the God-awful silver and green tie baring the colors of Snape's own House and blindfolding him with it, Toby saved his student's life.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The world had gone dark.

The last thing Snape remembered was the image of Lily's beautiful face changing to that of a hideous woman. Then, there was unimaginable pain which was still coursing through his body. And the irrepressible urge to keep on looking at her; that somehow she would change back to Lily Evans-Potter and smile sweetly at him. Toby had taken that away the moment he had covered his eyes.

Snape felt his battered body being flung over a skinny frame. Judging by the fact it had only taken the invisible person one hand to do so, he figured it was Charles. Snape attempted to block out as much of the pain as possible by studying his surroundings.

He could hear doors clanging open and the sound of heated voices in protest. From what he could discern, they were more concerned that there was a vampire in the hallway than the fact that there was a bloody man slung over his back. That showed the Academy's priorities quite clearly.

"Be careful with him Charles," he could hear Anita snap from somewhere in the room they had just entered. He remembered his foot getting hit against the door, making him flinch. For someone so sophisticated on the outside, Charles was a real brute. "My goodness he's a mess."

"Toby made some reference to a 'Bloody Mary,'" Charles said in an almost conversational tone. He laid Snape on what he could only assume was a bed of some sort. The vampire made an over-the-top effort to be gentle. "I never thought an alcoholic beverage could cause so much damage."

"She's a ghost you moron," she snapped, then her voice took on a soothing tone. He could feel her lips near his left ear. "How are you Alex?"

"I've been better," he managed to mumble through cracked and bloody lips. "Where am I?"

"The school Infirmary," Anita said over the clashing of glass bottles. He could almost feel the glare she was more than likely giving Charles. "Now make yourself useful Charles and play middle-man. Alex is in too much pain to be talking right now."

"Fine," was Charles' simple reply. Alex could feel the corpse's hand rest on his own as he let every defence in his mind crumble. If he could prevent some pain in exchange for privacy, he would take it. "He's letting me through."

"Okay Alex, I'm going to wipe off some of that blood," Anita's voice was soothing. "It'll only take a moment, but your shirts need to come off."

"He says you probably would enjoy that," Charles voiced for him as Snape managed a lop-sided smile. "Whatever you have to do to take the pain away."

Momentarily, he felt the cool caress of a wet washcloth on his face. He had never felt anything so wonderful in his life. Water dripped down his chin as Anita's fingers brushed the stubble on his cheeks.

Something told him he was falling in love.

"He is thankful that you are helping him," was Charles translation of Snape's thoughts. Even the vampire knew that affairs of the heart were not his concern. "He is used to having to heal himself. This is a nice turn of events."

"I'm glad I could help," Anita said as he felt her hand leave his chest. He wanted to tell her not to leave…to just stay and hold his hand. He raised a limp left arm as Charles let it go, trying to beckon her back over. It fell back to his side, useless. "I'll only be a moment."

"He thinks a moment is too long," he could hear the bit of romanticism in the vampire's voice. "Let me get your wand."

"Thanks," Anita said softly. He could hear her settle down on the cushioned chair beside the bed. Letting out a small sigh of relief, he felt her hand stray to his. It was trembling slightly, probably wondering if Charles' cravings would overtake him. "It'll be alright Alex; Toby will take care of that damn cocktail."

"He thinks I may try a taste of Half-Blood tonight," Charles had air of indifference around him. Though Snape couldn't see, he could sense the vampire's aloofness. "Do not worry; I do not enjoy magical blood very much. Here is your wand Anita, as well as the potion you wanted."

Snape felt as Anita and Charles adjusted him into a sitting position. A glass was pressed to his lips and he felt Anita's lips near his ear. She urged him to drink the mysterious potion, which smelled like mangos. He had decided to venture into the unknown when he came back to the Academy, so he took a drink.

The pain went away almost the moment he took a drink. It was the strongest pain-relieving potion he had ever heard of. Generally they worked for a short-time-span or took a couple of minutes to take on full effect. This one was clearly the work of a Potions Master.

"Alex likes Lenny's work," Charles' voice piped in. If the pair could have seen Snape's eyes, they would have widened considerably. "Now he cannot believe that Lenny is capable of creating such a potion. Says he's truly a master at the craft. Oh, and he wants to know why he needs to keep that tie around his eyes."

"Consider it a safety precaution," Anita said as he felt her right hand leaving his. The flounces of her zebra-print brushed against his legs as she stood up. Her left hand remained in his as Charles set him back down. "Bloody Mary goes after people's eyes, but that takes time. She will appear on any reflective surface she can find until she gets yours. That is, until Toby kicks her ass for hurting you."

As if on cue, Snape heard the distinct clacking of a cane on hardwood. It was the stiff gait of someone who had lost more than a place in the British Forces one day long ago. The sound of a man who still had some fight in him; the man who had saved Snape's eyes.

"You can take that damn tie off," Toby's rasp was a welcome sound to Snape's ears. "She won't be hurting much of anyone now."

Snape sighed in relief as Anita gingerly untied his make-shift blind-fold with shaking fingers. Black eyes met blue, and he blinked a few times to get his bearings. Anita smiled and he watched in amazement as she continued to heal the gashes from Bloody Mary's fingers. She was tracing the wounds and mumbling under her breath, wand in her fingers.

It was an HB pencil.

Apparently Snape had been wrong when he thought a pencil was not magical in the slightest. Anita was healing him quickly and expertly, with the efficiency of Madam Pomfrey, but without the constant nagging. Perhaps being treated like a wounded puppy wasn't as bad as he thought, under the corrected circumstances."

"Thanks," Snape managed to finally say, as slight smile on his face. The problem with pain-reducing potions was that one couldn't figure out their limits. "You saved me."

"I hate ghosts," Toby said simply, leaning on his cane, yellow shirt splattered with blood. "Too temperamental if you ask me. You really should brush up on your Dark Magic detection."

"It was a mistake," Charles replied for him. Snape really did not want to have to explain about how he had thought he had seen Lily. "A trick of the light made him come over to examine the mirror, and it was already too late."

"Well, you're almost set," Anita said, smiling down at Alex as she finished a final cut above his left eyebrow. She let go of his hand and strode away. "We just need to use the eraser."

"What?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow. He bolted upright, figuring he was relatively healed. "An eraser?"

"You don't want to walk around looking like a human scratch-post do you?" Toby asked. "You still have a bunch of scars that need to be erased."

Sure enough, Anita took out a large pink eraser that sparkled. Quickly, she waved it across his chest and face. The scars all vanished, leaving a faint dusting of glitter behind. She stopped as she stared at Snape's left forearm.

"Alright, that has to be the ugliest tattoo I have ever seen," Anita set the eraser on a table. "What in the world possessed you to get that?"

Possessed was right. Memories flashed through Snape's mind like pictures at the cinema. Albus Dumbledore asking him to join the Death Eaters when he was eleven. Him actually accepting, the thought of being a spy intriguing and dangerous. Him setting up his life around his one goal; infiltrating the enemy's group and becoming victorious. Lily Evans-Potter being thrown into the mix, screwing everything up. Finally, Snape calling her the vampire-deterrent to protect her and let him receive the Dark Mark without suspicion. His past mistakes that led him to the Academy.

"He was young and stupid," Charles gave him a reassuring glance as Alex began to appreciate the vampire. "Apparently it was the popular thing to do. He keeps it to remind himself not to always trust the opinions of others."

"Good as new," Anita smiled, tossing Snape a new shirt. "You might as well put this on; we do have a no shoes no shirt no service policy around here."

"Speaking of service, the bar isn't going to run itself," Toby smiled, hobbling to the bar. "Drinks are definitely on the House tonight."

Hopping off the bed after shoving on the shirt, Snape thought that was rightfully so.

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Hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter, Snape finally gets his drink, and gets his timetable.


	9. Mirror on the Wall

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter or Bloody Mary or Lamb Chop's Play-Along. Own everyone else.

A/N: Sorry for the delay XD. Snape is almost getting into class! Yay! Don't worry; the teachers aren't nearly as horrible as him. I am using some urban legends and ghost stories for some of the students later on, so if there are any weird ones you know of, let me know. Kwikspell is open to all kinds of students; alive or otherwise.

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"Finally," Snape sighed, settling himself down on a barstool. "I can get my drink. I don't suppose you have Firewhiskey here Toby?"

"I think I may have a bottle or two," the patron winked, ducking behind the counter. "It's reserved for my most valued customers; or the ones who nearly have their eyes gouged out by enchanted mirrors."

"You make me stop by the damn Leaky Cauldron every week you git," Anita said, sliding onto the stool next to Snape. He noticed that she had changed from her dress into a blouse and jeans. "There are some advantages to being wizard-born; mainly, we can get good alcohol without being scrutinized."

"At least something around here is familiar," Snape said, taking a drink of his Firewhiskey. "By the way Toby, how did you manage to get rid of that blasted ghost?"

"I just showed her what she looked like," Toby said, tapping his cane on the counter and making a compact appear. "She was so startled by her own reflection, she screamed and ran."

"Well, I'm just glad she's gone," Snape replied, staring into his drink's murkiness. "The last thing I need right now is a maniacal room-mate.

"Who said she's gone?" Toby said, making Snape's head jerk up in fright. "She's just lurking in another mirror until you get back."

"What?" Snape was aghast. The woman had just tried to blind him, and she was staying? That just wasn't right. "What about the eye-gouging?"

"She's harmless now," Toby said, waving his hand in dismissal. "The only reason she's in that mirror in the first place is because it was her fiancée's. When he left her at the altar, she swore revenge and haunted his mirror since he was so vain. She wanted to take his eyes so he could never see another woman again. Unfortunately, she's far-sighted, so she will go after any man who goes in front of her mirror. I explained that you weren't him, and she wants to apologize. She won't be hurting you anymore."

Snape sneered into his glass as he guzzled the rest of his alcohol. If he was going to have to face that stupid phantom again, he would need it. Toby took a crumpled piece of paper out from his jeans' pocket.

"Oh, here's your timetable for tomorrow," the bartender said, sliding the paper across the counter. "You can just call on Phil if you need a lift. Not too complicated for you I hope."

Snape surveyed the table, brows furrowed in concentration. Apparently he had Potions first thing in the morning, then Magical Mediation after lunch. Two classes weren't so bad; Kwikspell obviously took things slow. He also had the irrepressible feeling he was being watched.

Three sets of eyes were looking at him, obviously looking for some sort of approval. Snape had the feeling there had not been a real wizard at the Academy since Anita arrived. He smiled in his mind as he put his best 'I-hate-Gryffindors-so-don't-try-anything-foolish' face on.

"Well, I have never heard of Magical Mediation," Snape said, lip curling and black eyes narrowing. "And the fact that Potions takes place in the back of a hair salon is just an insult to the craft."

All three of the eyes were downcast in rejection.

"However," Snape cleared his throat in a most intimidating fashion. "I do not wish to judge your classes without attending them. Bloody hell, I haven't been a student since I took on my apprenticeship."

Anita smiled and Charles slapped him on the back. This was not a good idea, since the vampire still could not figure out just how much strength he possessed. Snape rubbed the back of his neck and smiled wanly, trying to rid himself of vampire-induced whip-lash.

"I think I'll head back in," Alex eventually managed to say as he slid his empty glass away. "Unpacking to do, psychotic ghosts to confront, and all that."

"Yeah, I guess that's a good idea," Anita smiled. "Night Alex."

"If I had dreams I would wish you pleasant ones," Charles said, shrugging his shoulders in vain. "I cannot say I will see you in the morning."

"Thank you for your hospitality," Snape said, his feet feeling like lead. He was generally a night-owl, but this whole situation had drained him entirely. He was not looking forward to unpacking. "I'll be off then."

"Anita, will you watch the bar for me?" Toby asked, moving from behind the counter. "I still have to fill Alex in on a couple of things."

"Sure thing boss," Anita said, winking in Alex's direction. It may have been a trick of the light, but he could have sworn she blew him a kiss. Before this could really register, he felt Toby's firm grip on his sleeve urging him forward.

"Okay, so as long as you remember that guys are on the right, you're good," Toby began, with Snape listening intently. "You have an alarm clock in your room that will not shut off until it is absolutely sure you are awake. Then again, if Mary's in the room, she'll probably wake you up anyways. Breakfast's at eight, so just keep going right and you'll find the cafeteria. Eat then head for your first class. Out the back door, and just keep going right. Women do the exact opposite; they stick to the left."

"So no matter what class I have, I'll get there if I just keep going right?" Snape asked, eyebrows raised in speculation.  
"That just about covers it," Toby said as the pair approached his room. "Right is right for guys. You want me to watch your back?"

"It's my eyes I'm worried about," Snape smiled as he opened the door. "But if you wouldn't mind…"

"I'd never turn down the opportunity to help another wizard, regardless of how much magical blood's in them."

Snape tried to forget the fact that he had helped to torture so many Muggle-borns when Voldemort was in power. He would have had to slaughter Toby if he had known about the Academy back then. He could still have to if the Dark Lord…it was best not to think of such things.

"Mary, we're here!"

Snape gave Toby a glare as he stepped into the room. The entire mess was cleaned up and Mary's mirror was intact. It was as if nothing had happened; his room was immaculate. He also noted that all of his clothes were put away in the chest of drawers.

"Anita thought it would be nice to have your clothes put away," Toby explained, noting Snape's gaze at the empty shopping bags. "She said you'd probably just shove them in anyways."

"How considerate of her," Alex snarled, his lip curling. Now he couldn't even procrastinate. "It looks as though I will have to meet Mary on more agreeable terms."

"Come on out you sniveling wench!" Toby said, tapping at the mirror. Snape's eyes grew wide. Did Toby want to lose more than his legs?

"I'm not coming out," came a sulking voice from within the glass. Snape peered closer; at least she wasn't screaming. "I look horrible. I haven't seen my reflection in years."

"Oh, save it for the vampires," Toby continued to tap, like a child toying with a goldfish. "Come out or I'll take out the compact."

"Fine," the ghost said, a foggy apparition appearing in the mirror. "Here I am."

Bloody Mary had white eyes and hair that would make Medusa's look decent. It was all over the place, looking like she had been struck by lightning. Edward Einstein would be so proud.

"You don't like my hair either!" the ghost wailed, sounding like a banshee. "I knew it! I'm a freaky mess!"

"Just shut up," Alex's voice was dead-pan now. He had had enough of ghosts and ghoulies and beasties for one night. "If you're going to be my room-mate, there will be rules."

"I don't like you," Mary replied, ghostly arms crossing as she turned her head away. "You're very inconsiderate."

"The feeling is mutual," Snape replied, as Toby watched the two fume. "Just be quiet."

Alex thanked Toby for his assistance, and headed into the washroom to change into pajamas. Toby glared at the mirror and Mary stuck her ghostly tongue out at him. Shaking his head, Toby took Alex's alarm clock and threw it in the waste basket.

**********

Alex woke to the sound of Bloody Mary belting out "This is the Song that Never Ends" at 5:00 a.m. the next morning.


	10. A Bizarre Breakfast

Disclaimer: JKR owns Harry Potter, I own everything else. Oh, and Mary's lovely wake-up call isn't mine either.

A/N: This hasn't been updated since September 11th and I am REALLY sorry. I missed this story but I got caught up in two others. So now Snape can FINALLY get to class. After breakfast. Oh, and I actually own a purse EXACTLY like Anita's.

Alex groaned as he stumbled out of his new room. He had shoved a duvet from the bed over Mary's mirror and changed into a pair of tan slacks and a black dress shirt. He had ignored the ghost's wails and left the blanket where it was as he headed off to breakfast.

Luckily Alex remembered to stay to the right. The last thing he needed to do was wind up in the women's dormitory or something. Then again, judging by the day before, that should have been expected. Smiling to himself for the first time in years, Alex entered the cafeteria.

The room was abuzz with the sound of numerous students eating. It was designed like a high school cafeteria; complete with bland food and hard plastic chairs that no one would ever be perfectly comfortable in. Students from every blood-line and species were sitting at tables and enjoying their meal.

"Alex!" a familiar voice chirped from behind him. "Good to see you made it."

Snape slowed down, allowing Anita to catch up to him. Today's wardrobe was a blue t-shirt with green polka dots, a jean skirt, orange tights and a pair of red flats with white polka dots. She was carrying a large bright blue purse with black accents. It was so puffy it had the consistency of a marshmallow and Alex was fairly certain a body could have been concealed in there need be.

"It was fairly simple," Alex replied, looking with dread at the line-up. At least at Hogwarts the food appeared out of thin air; you didn't have to wait for your meal. "And thank you once again for last night. I have no idea what I would have done without you."

"It was a team effort," Anita smiled, pulling Alex's arm towards the line. "Toby's the coach; Charles and I just follow orders."

"How did, um, Toby…you know…get this place?" Alex found himself lost for words as the pair entered the line. "Did he inherit it or something?"

"I don't think I'm at liberty to say," Anita said, avoiding Snape's gaze as she concentrated at the line of various foods behind a glass shield. "What do you want anyways?"

"Touchy subject I suppose," Snape replied, taking his plate and making a move to get a piece of toast. "I'll just have to…bloody hell!"

Snape jumped as an electric shock coursed through his hand. He immediately backed off, wiping his hand on his trousers as if it might help stop the tingling sensation in his hand. Anita burst into a fit of giggles as Alex glared at her.

"Sorry about that," Anita said, taking her pencil out and directing it at the toast. Two pieces flew off of the pile and onto Alex's plate. "I forgot all about the magic enhancing system."

"What?" Snape asked as Anita made an egg fall onto her plate as well as two strips of bacon. He accepted her offer of a glass of orange juice and the pair walked over to a table. "What in a magic enhancing system?"

"It supposed to encourage students to, you know, use their powers," Anita shrugged as she took a drink of juice. "You can only get breakfast using magic; lunch is done manually, and dinner is up to you."

"So if you can't use your powers…you have to beg someone else to get your breakfast for you?" Alex asked, taking a bite of toast.

"In a nutshell, yeah," Anita replied. "Toby says it's a way to develop relationships between different students and the like. I think he just likes to watch people get zapped."

"Where is our Headmaster anyways?" Alex chuckled. He'd have to get used to begging for his breakfast he supposed. "Warding off another psychotic ghost or something?"

"Sleeping probably," Anita yawned and covered her mouth. "Something I should probably be doing right now too. I don't need to start work until the bar is officially open."

"Why are you up then?" Alex raised an eyebrow. Now that he thought of it, she did look a bit tired. "Go back to bed."

"I thought I'd check up on you…you know…make sure a random poltergeist didn't come in last night and attack you or something."

"Hey, watch it there Annie," a disembodied voice said as a fork and knife held by invisible hands drifted past them. A random bowtie floated as well. "I might take offense."

"Sorry Bart," Anita said, gesturing towards Alex. "Alex, meet Bart. He's our resident poltergeist and waiter."

"Pleased to…um…meet you," Alex said, not sure how to greet a poltergeist. He was used to Peeves, who usually caused the Potions teacher to stalk just a little bit faster down the hallways than usual.

"Same here," the voice said. At least this ghost didn't want to pluck out his eyes or anything. "Well, I'm off. Got people to serve. Meet up with you at some point or another."

"He was a waiter at some ritzy restaurant before he died," Anita explained as Bart left. "Toby bought an antique table, and he got Bart with the package. He's been serving here ever since. See Alex? Not all ghosts are crazy."

"Well that's debatable," Alex mumbled. "I woke up at five o'clock this morning to the sound of Mary singing at the top of her lungs."

Anita snorted, orange juice coming out of her nose. She turned a deep shade of pink and wiped the mess up with a paper napkin. Snape laughed too, a full-out laugh though. He didn't bother to hide it; all of the other students could just mind their own business.

"What song was it?" Anita asked around her giggles.

"Would you believe 'The Song That Never Ends'?"

"How did you make it end?" Anita chuckled, the dregs of her breakfast forgotten on her plate. "DID you?"

"I shoved a blanket over her," Alex grinned. "It shut her up long enough for me to get ready anyways. Never bothered to take it off."

"She's going to be SO ticked," Anita smiled. "You'd better apologize before she goes after something other than your eyes."

Alex's eyes grew wide as Anita patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll send Toby in as back-up just in case."

"So who teaches Potions anyways?" Alex said, trying to ignore the thought of having to confront Mary…again. "Toby?"

"Lenny actually," Anita replied, pointing at Alex with a manicured nail. "You of all people should know how talented he is. You did say you liked his work."

"Some things may have been…lost in translation last night," Alex averted Anita's gaze. "Charles seems to be a bit of a dramatic character and some of what he said last night could have been…misinterpreted."

"Of course," Anita said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You were out of it and Charles is a bit of a Drama King. Charles has tried to set me up with every man he knows, alive or otherwise. You were a vulnerable target, that's all."

"You've never had…feelings…for Charles?" Alex inquired. He'd heard women generally worshipped the grave-dirt vampires walked on. He imagined Anita telling Charles to wipe his feet or she'd stake him with a stiletto or something. He snickered.

"When I started I guess," Anita shrugged. "I was young, in my teens, and thought vampires were all dark romance and the like. Now I'm thirty and know better. Vampire or not, Charles still doesn't seem to know what a washing machine is for."

Alex chuckled again. He had never heard himself laugh so much in such a short span of time. It was nice to be able to sit across from someone rather than having to lean over them to get the scrambled eggs. And there was no infernal woman who enjoyed predicting his gory death in his tea leaves every morning.

"Well, I think I'd better be going," Anita got up, her chair scraping across the floor. "Gotta get back to bed."

"I suppose I'll see you tonight?" Alexander ventured. "I mean, as a customer of course."

"Of course," Anita winked at him, shouldering her purse. "I'm off to get some Beauty Sleep. Enjoy your classes."

_The last thing that woman needs to worry about is beauty_, Alex found himself thinking as he headed to his first class at Kwikspell Academy.

END!


End file.
